flawed work of art.
Friday, December 31, 2004 @ 2:38 am
This morning, I woke up with a blocked nose. Dang! I'm ill again. Just when a new year is creeping on to me. *shakes head* New years upset me. They remind me of the struggles of the past years. However, one has to be optimistic about such things, right? Hmm. think positive. that shall be my first new year resolution.
kuzz just called me. They're coming over today.. hope nothing goes wrong. keeping my fingers crossed.
Hema contacted me at last!!! Was so happy, I could kiss her. We were smsing a little here & there. So glad to hear from her. Safe & sound.
Oh yeah! before I forget. PMR results!!! (kuanye, how did kaihing do?) my school had 100% passing rate. WHOA! Higher than our 90 something percent!! And 55 lucky little girls got straight As. Smartie pants. or skirts, in this case. Wait till they go to Form 4. SIGH! Yong also got straight As!!! I already said it was expected but she didn't believe me!!! My dad was surprised coz' she's always in all these activities, like St John & softball. Proves that time management goes a long way...

Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she's gone.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain
Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies,
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers
That grow so incredibly high.
Beatles Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds.
Eh? Didn't Alven possess that nick on msn before?

Thursday, December 30, 2004 @ 10:33 am
Have you ever had the feeling that sometimes the less you sleep, the more energised you feel? that's the case with me this morning. when the alarm went off at 6.15, I was so wide awake, didn't even feel like I slept at all. couldn't sleep at all last night. up till nearly 3, I think? anyway, thought I could sleep another 15 mins till my maid come & wake me up. but she came so early! 6.18 & she was already knocking on my door. sigh. stuffed down some crackers then mama mak came to fetch me already. after getting into the car, cassy gave me a packet of milo. normally i'd be more than happy to gulp it down, but i'm not really a breakfast person, & I already had those small packet of crackers. so, I only sipped it empty after reaching school. okok, that's a minor little detail you didn't need to know. moving on...
saw mrs khoo these bright & early as I was doodling the Welcome note. surprised to see parents already in line to send their form one girls into Convent. this year, there's been this big hoo-ha about how only 19 Convent primary girls got into Convent Sec. & the 19 are erm, malays. well, I tried to think of a logical reason-la coz someone said it's arranged by where they live. & the housing area around my school is a few kampungs in the forest & all. so, you do the math. stef's ickle sis managed to get in, & everyone was all smiles after that. :D while i was giving out the registration forms to the eager beaver parents, I was surprised how nice they are... didn't like, ask us too many hard questions & things like that. there was this uncle who 'stole' the whole stack of form one book list from the bookshop & gave it to me to distribute. & after that, he came & ask me what books do I think his daughter doesn't require. judging from the past 4 years in this school. I was like, blank for a little while. haha. & this aunty who was sitting next to me on the bench, was asking me so many questions coz' her daughter went to the same primary school as me. was so funny-la. sarah was making a fool of herself by mimicking one uncle in chinese. hilarious. love her specs, really suits her. ;)
prefect meeting was very casual.. I hope I didn't go overboard & ask too many questions. didn't want to give the Top 6 a hard time, especially on their 1st day. =D my newly appointed junior is Elisha. I think I DID request when they asked me-la. Coz' of the whole PA thing. I'm happy I have her. At least she's not a stranger. But, I didn't expect to do Patrol after school on Wed. Aish. Oh well...
Mama Mak was kind enough to give Cass some cash to spend on her bottomless-pit-like stomach friends. LOL. went to our regular haunt, be it PP or CS. Dunno why they like Vivo so much also. I was so pissed with Keegan for calling me & then "Oi-ing" like an angry person. I was like,"WHAT???!" Sheesh. Then he gave me so specific directions to look this way & that. Bla. Didn't even bother just saying he was at Roibo's. Asked me to go chit-chat for awhile with him there. Too scared to come to Vivo's & join 8 girls & 1 boy, I bet. haha. While I was talking to him, saw those jakuns at Vivo's gawking at us.. They can say whatever they want la. Fancy those who claim to be my best friends. Which is why, I tend not to get involved with all this friendship ties unless I can really trust the person. That even if one day, when the whole world turns it's back on me, I know that He/She will be there to comfort me. Dunno whether should say who.. It's her b'day today!! & she treated us to nice lunch at Vivo's... ;) You know who you are. When I went back & talked to Nick & Xin, I was like, on the verge of tearing already. After that, I didn't really feel like myself. Causing sudden bushfire-like questions to be directed at me. "Why you so sad?" or "Smile for me!". Wasn't in the mood-la!!! Sorry, peeps! Watched 'Meet The Fockers' after I finished buying my school stuff & toiletries. Stupid movie. It deserved that one star that 8 days or whatever mag mommy goose was reading, gave it. It's totally NOT meant for kids. So uncomfortable watching it with KorKor Mak & my papa. (haha, Lingesh! who was with Joel, sitting in front of me) Everytime I go to CS, sure see papa. Fated, man! hahahaa. Had to rush home after that.. was SO LATE already. aih. Wasted 3 hours of my time watching a 'porno' movie. Could've gone home earlier to sleep.. lol.
When my parents came home, they had a cake for Yati, my maid. She totally deserves it.. she's sooo nice. :):)

On the shining waves
One hand reaches
Reaches for the bank
Where the spring sleeps and
The birds, the birds sing
Under a dome of white jasmine
Ah! Calling us
Charlotte Church The Flower Duet

Ben, I'm still praying for you, my dear girl. Hope you're safe & sound. I know Hema is. Phew.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004 @ 7:17 am
wait! you're on the right page!!! I changed my temp.. dunno why I really liked this one. I like the dresses they have on too!! & cassie agrees with me... :D
Jie woke me up this morning coz' she wanted to use the mobile phone, which was next to my pillow.. erm yeah, then while I was bathing, she asked me if I wanted to go makan at kopitiam.. was feeling kindda hungry, so I said OK. think we spent quite some time there.. chit-chatting for so long...
after we came home, then I've been spending an hour plus, changing my temp. so.. this is the end product. hmm. gimme your comments. good or bad doesn't matter.
wonder where mama goose & cass are now.. have they finished shopping yet? haihz, I still have to finish my own back-to-school shopping tomorrow after prefect meeting, which kysha was 'kind' enough to remind me last night. haiyo.. am I that forgetful???? which reminds me, I saw yiswaree in school yesterday!!!!! her expression was so scary!! eyes so big!!! hahaha..

boys will be strong
boys soldier on
but boys would be gone
without warmth of a woman's
good good heart
on behalf of every man
looking out for every girl
you are the God and the weight of her world
john mayer daughters
still think this song is very nice. found on john's 'Heavier Things' album.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004 @ 11:37 am
Today, woke up bright & early in the morning to go to school to buy books. Cassie came to fetch me, or should I say, Cassie's grandpa. He likes our dog.. Fairy. Said she's very beautiful. I agree! She looks like a wolf. Very pretty.
Anyhoo, after looking around school, (the labs are looking very very nicely done. especially physics & chem.. lavender! I think I'll pay more attention to the colours of the walls than what teacher will be talking about from now on.. but don't think it's gonna get done soon, haven't even started tiling!) taking stuff from Mrs MJ & taking pics for the slideshow this Thurs, we had lunch.. after that, went to mama goose's place to wrap my new text books. just enough to wrap both mommy goose's & my books. Thanks Lloyd, Mommy Goose, & of course, Cassie!
received a box of jelly beliies & a nice notebook from Xin too. Thanks, Xin!
also, watched the movie, Love Undercover at Mommy Goose's while we ate. Very nice movie. Ok, I'm bias. I just like Daniel Wu. So cute!!! Wahaha.
Oh yes. Wonder if Benasir is ok.. think she's still in Madras. what with the whole Tsunami thing. So sad. Really terrible disaster. Watch news also can cry, man. I'm praying for you, Ben.

Now I started to see
Maybe its got nothing to do with me
So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too
John MayerDaughters
nice song!!!! very sentimental. suitable for wedding.. hyuk.

Monday, December 27, 2004 @ 7:43 am
haven't changed my template. too troublesome laa. my aunt requested me to change it.. haha. wait till I see one that I MUST have la..

She's always gone too long
Anytime she goes away
Wonder this time where she's gone
Wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
This house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away
I know..
They ought to leave the young thing alone
Al Green Ain't No Sunshine
nicer cover done by Taufik, The S'pore Idol.

Sunday, December 26, 2004 @ 7:14 am
today, I start with the lyrics. Just because.

We say
Where we're coming from
We've already seen
The wealth that this life can bring
Now we're expected everywhere that we go
All the things that they say
Yeah we already know

righto folks, if you scroll down & check out my wishlist at the other small window on your right, you can see that I have slashed off a few of my items.. first one being my adidas shoes.. THANK YOU SO MUCH, KOR!!! (for not just the shoes, but for something else which I may or may not share here. depending on the situation) next is the boardshorts, which mama goose & cassie co-shared. MANY THANKS! next is, the levi's jeans which my sis gave me. Not for x'mas. but still, i'll count it. she forgot to bring back the pressie from aussie. it's an elle bag that she says it's very purdy. :D my dad gave me the 3-in-1 Lemony Snicket book.. that he REMEMBERED he gave me. Usually, he doesn't. KFC & Aunty Jodie got me a very nice Puma top.. it really is very nice!! not to mention, comfy! Cotton! haha. Eva gave me a porcelain (poor celine) doll keychain. aww. kuzzie got me a little photo album, but forgot to enclose her mug in it. boohoo.

Thursday, December 23, 2004 @ 8:45 am
I like stef's blog!!! the songlist part, I mean. How cool is that?? Stef, if you're reading this, I hate you. ahahahhaa. just kidding! How could I hate my busiest little friend? ahyuk.
added the nutcracker suite in my blog. I like it!!! makes me feel all xmasy. am very proud of it, coz' I tweaked it by myself!! okok, I had the help of a html site, you happy? speaking of xmas.. 'tis the season to be jolly.. fa la la la la.. okok, sorry. just finished addmaths tuition.. so, don't blame me for being all crazy for no good reason. feel so light-headed coz' I don't have tuition till.. next year!! woohoo! okok, so it's only a few days away, shut up already. dunno why I should be so relaxed about xmas though. still got to buy presents for 8 very lucky remaining souls that I have waited till xmas eve to get gifts for. peeked under the tree just now.. NO SHOEBOX SHAPE TO BE FOUND.
kor better not have cheated me. i'll slay him.

They're saying
'Now you're rich and
Now you're famous
And fake @$$ girls all know your names and
"Lifestyles.. of the rich and famous"
Was your first hit, aren't you ashamed?'
Of the life we're living


Wednesday, December 22, 2004 @ 5:47 am
okayy. i'm fully refreshed & geared up to talk more about my trip... Interested? if not, then go to another page. This is not a joke. Seriously.
the weather was cool. Literally. it was chilly especially when we were by the sea or something, due to the strong chilly winds. but the sun was still there. so it felt warm in the sunshine & cold in the shadows. Funny weather. Was happy that most of the time, I had a whole hotel room to myself coz' my cousin slept at my sister's place. woohoo. it was like, being back home again.. just that my room doesn't have a tv. nice programmes too. watched this 'bachelor' rip-off called Outback Jack for a little while. but I liked the 'apprentice' rip-off better. about the Virgin dude. yeah, that rich guy with the smiley face, who owns airlines, music, beverages.. just to name a few. that guy's filthy rich. FILTHY! anyway, this one's better than the Donald Trump one because... well, first of all, no ugly donald trump & his equally as bad wig hair. Oh & there's this show called Dr. Phil. where this 15-year-old girl was struggling with her family because she got pregnant & how Dr. Phil wanted to help their unhappy family. I think he should come do my family next. I'll get to that part a wee bit later. watched this interesting French movie about the Magi in the modern day world. SO FUNNY! shall go check it out later..
oh yes.. did I mention.. I GOT TO WATCH LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS?!!! fantastic movie. although my dad said it was a bit far-fetched & my mother exclaimed she didn't understand the movie. Well, how could she?? she was sleeping half the time... but my cousin & sis loved it. & so do I! yippee! Jim Carrey's a fantastic actor. Didn't like him as the Grinch, (which I watched a little on the flight back home) but loved him as Count Olaf. I wanna dress like Violet! So goth!! all she needs is black kohl..(which I desperately want as well)
oh yeah, saw a few girls dressed up on the streets in punk wear. *melts* there was even one who wore the MADE shirt that Good Charlotte made popular!! I almost died. Should've asked them where they got their clothes... & my family made such a big fuss that I bought a spiked belt. ish. my mother wanted to buy this Ripcurl watch for me but I said I didn't want it. It was SO BLOODY EXPENSIVE! I could've bought so many boardshorts with that sort of money! the boardshorts were hilariously expensive. a popular branded one, such as Roxy, Ripcurl, Billabong etc.. was around 60 Aussie dollars, which is around 180 ringgit. not really worth it, I suppose. However, my mother bought 2 for my bro, Dan. How unfair is that?! Furthur proof of favourtism. Blasphemy! The Horror! The Pain! The Suffering! Oh well, you get the drift, right?
the ladies there were so pretty & well-dressed, they looked like models!! no kidding! the guys were. sigh, read the last post in my archive. it was hard to decipher how old or how young they were. my sister's aussie friends didn't know how old I was neither. They thought I was hmm, around 3-6 years younger than my sis. How sad is that?? when, in fact she's 12 years older than I am! 12! sob. sob. sob. too bad, the Asian people don't think that. I got flamed from the stinking M'sian Airlines crew members. They seriously, didn't take me seriously. Why can't they be more gentle & friendly? & not bark at innocent, uncomfortable-looking teenagers? See, as a kid, they fear that you might cry & they'll just die. But, we teens won't do that! they think we're punks, well, I think they're skunks. Stupid M'sian Airlines.
oh yes, Simple Plan, Green Day & Good Charlotte are going to Adelaide next year!!!!! & my sister doesn't even want to go! What a waste!

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home and man, I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I'll walk alone

Tuesday, December 21, 2004 @ 6:12 pm
Hey hey! Guess who's home to haunt this page & keep you posted on my pathetic life??? ;) of course, it's the one & only.. me!! hahaha. aite aite, it's 2 in the morning M'sian time, right now.. But it feels like 4.30 due to the time difference in Adelaide... Ah, adelaide.. the wonderful & sorrowful memories... that I will tell you some other time... feeling a little giddy due to lack of sleep or something. Didn't catch much sleep on the planes possibly due to the seat I was in. 41D. Right at the back. Waaay back. where the flight attendants hang out & chit-chat. explains a lot, doesn't it? one good thing is that it's easy to find out whether the lavatory is occupied. which reminds me!!! spotted a 'my-type-of-guy' on the flight to s'pore. i think he's s'porean. he has nice, slumber soft looking hair. (my type) erm, he wears specs. (my type again) soft-looking clothing that doesn't strike out too much. (i'm getting depressed typing this) maybe I was over-thinking this, but it was pure coincidence that he sat behind me, where he got a clear view of me & I could too, if I turned my head. I had that weird feeling that he was watching me & everytime I looked in his direction, there he'd be. staring at me. weird... He is erm. cute. in a 'my-type' sort of way..
Sheesh, don't think I can type anymore.. i'll probably puke all over the keyboard or something... oh yes, girls.. I know you're all wanting to know... the cute guys.. hmm. they were not bad, actually. not bad at all. ;) really laid-back kindda surfer dude look. aah. but they weren't really striking out very much... funny how the only guy I kindda had a connection with was in a KL flight to S'pore. hmm..

Thursday, December 16, 2004 @ 2:00 am
now is around hmm. 9+ in the morning here.. weather's nice & sunny, quite warm. Lemony Snicket's movie is out today in Oz!! hip hip hooray! dad's gonna play golf in a while, as I follow my mother shopping..! aah, hope I get to go around myself... :D my sister's grad is split into 2 days. the first day (today) is the oath thing in school where she has to swear not to kill anybody on purpose. tomorrow is the whole gown thing, where they get the scroll & throw their mortar boards in the air. Both are in the afternoon so we needn't have to wake up early in the morn.
my bro sent an mms to my parents. something about my adidas shoe. yippee~ hahaha! okay, gotta go, my mom wants to get to her shopping asap!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004 @ 11:32 am
HEY YAA!!! So happy I got to blog, so I can pour out everything that I kept in my brain for 2 days... my memory stick has refused to be upgraded to a higher MB. sad case. oh right.. about my trip...
it's been okay so far. took a taxi from my parent's place at 4.30 & hopped on a plane to KL at 6.30.. but the flight was a little delayed & a number of people were kindda worried, including my mother, as usual.
Before I forget, I wanna warn all those people who are gonna be going to Senai anytime soon... Stupid Johore Central Store is bloody unreasonable. especially this one young chap working there. after flipping through a few pages of a glossy cheapo mag that would make me feel bad for myself due to shiny, happy, beautiful people in it, he came floating by to inform me that I couldn't read here. I then went, 'Oooh..K!' But in my mind I was like,'What DO you do in a bookstore? Sit on the books???' I was totally pissed by then.. but it was funny to see him floating by my mother afterwards, too afraid to tell her the same thing coz' obviously, she can pay for everything in the store in 5 secs. I tell you, it's downright idiotic!! Reminds me of the super-'nice' people of Shell as well. (go search in archives) The only reason he could tell me that with ease, was because he assumed I couldn't affored the glossy mag. pth. He's right, I would have shove it up his arse, honestly.
Hmm, righto. After transferring to the international area in KLIA, we then had a swift dinner at Burger King. {kampung jb still don't have!} I was so elated when I saw the series of unfortunate events movie stuff, but Ach Mein Gott! one book is 60 ringgit! ish.. Oh yes, the movie opens tomorrow in Aussie! yayness!!
The flight was bad, my monitor hanged, but before that, got to watch Elf. Nice movie, I ALMOST laughed out loud. Sleep kindda succumbed me after that.. Reached ADL at hmm, 7, where my sis kindda, skipped her way to hug my mother. Aah, she still hasn't changed a bit. The weather was fairly cool, close to 15 degrees celcius. We went to her place first.. A shared house with Henry, her long-time bf. dunno if their still together though.. Y'know, my parents didn't say ANYTHING about her living with him. But, my mother made a big fuss that my bro's gf must sleep in a different room than my bro when she comes over in the weekends. And she said she showed NO favourtism. Wow. her place was so tidy, which was expected coz' my sis is very organised all the time, which means a pain in the neck for the messy me. we always argue coz' of that problem. She had some grad activities, so my dad drove her car up to Cleland Wildlife Park, which was up in the hills, to see the koalas, kangaroos, wallabies, tazzy devil etc. y'know, usual Aussie natives. Then, we had lunch at Griffith's, a cafe by Unley Street where my dad only stopped by coz' he had a place to park. We didn't do much after that, my sis drove us around town where we stopped by a beach, a couple of youngsters were actually in the water while I was shivering due to the strong cold winds.. 2 friendly young boys were illegally jetty jumping while posing for the cam for us.. cute. In fact, most of the folks here look like they were BORN for showbiz. cute guys with good bods are simply everywhere! sickening! my sis then brought us to dinner at some dodgy Italian restaurant that was packed to the brim. I shared a fillet with my cousin, who by the way, flew down from Melbourne to join us. :) Nice of her, no? Went back to the hotel & slept. It was nice to have the room all to myself so I needn't have to keep the room nice & tidy.. Watched old episodes of O.C till I fell asleep...
Woke up to the sound of my mother knocking on the door. It was around 7 in the morning.. by the way, Adelaide's 2 & a half hours faster than M'sia time. Macker's was far different from the ones in M'sia. McCafe seemed so chic & cozy. & McD's was like, so healthy there. Cool. My sis then drove us around Barossa Valley for wine-tasting. We went to Penfolds, Jacob's Creek, Wolf Blass etc. The scenery was really nice & the architecture was equally awe-inspiring. Had lunch at Jacob's Creek, where my mother finished my huge salad for me. =D We drove all the way back & tada! Here I am! In my sister's house, while the rest are all out at a nearby supermarket. They locked poor ickle me in the house. At least, I could spare some time to blog.. I'm sure I left some things out.. Ah, but I can't really remember. When I do, I'll blog again.. Till then, byee!!
P/S: dreamt I heard my mother yelling my name on our trip back to my sister's place. And you know what? Sk8er Boi was playing when I woke up. I think Avril's haunting me.

So give me what I want
I always get what I want
You don't want to see me when
I don't get what I want
Thats not what you want
I'm not about to take no for an answer
If I tell you I can't I'm still gonna go
I did it all by myself
I found my way around it
I Always Get What I Want

Monday, December 13, 2004 @ 3:32 am
Today. Is the last day I'm gonna blog.
Nah, just for a week.. =) Am going to Adelaide for my sister's graduation. Coming back on the 21st. So, that's around 7-8 days that I won't be around. Knowing my mother, I won't have time to go online as she'll say those infamous words she always does every time we go on vacation..

'We come all the way here & you want to stay in the room & watch tv??!'
Guess she's right la. But, it's not like we're staying all day long in the room...
Psst, let you in on a little secret.. You know what? I haven't finished packing. hahahaa.. my parents are gonna whack me..
Ah yes, watched the Arsenal-Chealsea match, I must say, I was kindda disappointed Arsenal didn't win.. Especially since they had the upper hand.. Was surprised the ref approved Henry's 2nd goal though.. Did he blow the whistle??? Kinda felt the ref was a little bias towards the Arsenal side.. oh well..
Don't miss me too much while I'm gone, k? Especially cassie. When I come back, you better be done with the puzzle.

Well I believe there's something watching over you
They're watching every single thing you say
And when you die they'll set you down and take you through
You'll realise one day
That the grass is always greener on the other side
The neighbour's got a new car that you wanna dry
And when time is running out you wanna stay alive
We all live under the same sky
We all will live we all will die
There is no wrong
There is no right
The circle only has one side

Saturday, December 11, 2004 @ 3:59 pm
I'm disturbed by the fact that someone used my name to tag dez, chelle & mama goose's blog. Do you think I'd say something like this??
'hey nice site. the pic is cute like you.lolx =)'
firstly, I'd just like to point out that I DON'T type like that. lolx?? I never type like that! Secondly, 'The pic is cute like you' has a weird chinese slang to it. I sound like some Cina ah-lian!! & Thirdly, I would also be well aware that the site belongs to 3 different individuals & not just one person. Why make such a big fuss, you ask? It's just.. scary. I feel so... used!!! Like my identity's been taken by this fraud. Imagine, one day, no one believes that you're actually you.. it's just frightening! No worries here though, you can be sure that I'm the real Cel! The Real McCoy! You get my point now, don't you?
With that aside, [thank your lucky stars I didn't go on & on. I could, you know..] I went to my neighbour's wedding lunch at Diamond Jubilee Hall. okok, it's Dewan Jubli Intan translated in English... Personally, I think the English name sounds classier. :)
alright, just came back from BEC X'mas party... very nice to get out & breathe some fresh air & meet people. aah.. oh well, talked to sera & valentine most of the 3 hours spent there.. my bro was obviously not enjoying himself... keep bribing my grandma to say she's tired & wants to go home.. the kids were playing with these scary fireworkks which I thought were extremely dangerous. I was like crouching down covering my head & closing my eyes when they started.. I was scared to bits.. I'm very afraid it might just explode & blow someone's arm off or something. those kids really have no sense of danger... those aunties & uncles are really pleasant.. some are funny, others are just SO friendly, it's impossible not to smile when I talk to them..
Oop, look at the time! almost time for Queer Eye. one of my favourite shows of all time... have a great day ahead, peeps!

Living alone
I think of all the friends I've known
But when I dial the telephone
Nobody's home
All by myself
Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore
Jamie O' Neal
All By Myself
thanks to Xin Yu for bringing the Bridget Jones vcd along!! :D

Friday, December 10, 2004 @ 1:21 pm
Lemony Snicket should come to me when he's done with the Baudelaire orphans.. He'll have his hands full just peeking into my life. I'm so pathetic. Can't even have a proper mother-daughter relationship with my mother. Wanna know the story? Besides, I'm sober now.
My mother wanted to finish up her X'mas shopping for her numerous Godchildren & relatives, so guess who had to tag along? Me, that's who. She wanted to go to surprise surprise, city square. I DID question her why, coz' well it's a place where teens 'lepak' & she always disagrees in me going there anyway. But, she was determined. First place we went to was Living Quarters where we bought a whole lot of stuff. I was SO glad when we were about to leave, especially since the bags I were carrying weren't that heavy, for once. Even I was surprised. However, just as we were leaving the store, the shopper in my mother stopped & spotted the 70% sale on Jean Perry bedsheets. She asked me to calculate & so, I did & told her that the once 600 ringgit priced bedcovers were now erm 180. She was estatic! She started to hound for bedsheets for everyone's X'mas. She hurried me to look for a certain type in King size & when I told her that they were sold out, she not only didn't believe me, but also kept making a scene by saying,"Come on, don't be like that. PLEASE look for it. PLEASE!" in that gruff/angry voice of hers. I thought she was gonna slap me or something so I looked frantically again. In the end, she relented on the only one that was left. While I was carrying the 3 huge bedcovers in one hand & the former plastic bags before this in the other, she stopped & said, "Wait! I think we already have these type. Put it back, put it back." Imagine my utmost fury. I was on the verge of braking down already. I just stared at her with what was left of my strength & said, "I took so long to search for you & you say what?!" She laughed it off & said, "okok, buy it then.." ish. sometimes I don't get her. Wait, let me rephrase that. I NEVER get her. Oh yes, then there was the problem of taking it back to our car.. the dude at the shop was kind enough to follow us down. We took a while to find the car. where my mother didn't let me off either. After that, it was around 9.30, but my mother still wanted to shop so, we went back up to Watson's. Everything went A-ok there. But it didn't last long.. In the car, she was moping about Daniel not being able to come back for X'mas & I suggested posting stuff to him.. & me & my big mouth! I told her about the girl who sent Daniel a present. Plus, told her that he asked me to buy some Roxy/Ripcurl stuff for her as well. My mom was pissed I didn't buy for him... & I pointed out that she was the one who didn't let me out anyways. All just snowballed from there. Too much to type in detail... It ended with my mother telling me to go to hell & get raped. after that, almost mowing me down with the old merc, but missed & hit the gate instead. it ended like that. I was just hiding in the bathroom, with the lights off. I think I worried my dad coz' he couldn't find me for like, 30 minutes. Wonder how come he was so smart to look in my bathroom. ish. not fair. After that, he came in to my room to ask what happened. So, I broke down & told him everything. I could tell that for once, he was more of a dad than a man. He told me to forget it & that we all know how unreasonable my mother can be. I told him I couldn't take it & told him to send me away. anywhere. He left, without even saying anything. Men. They just can't give good advice. Ended up reading the bible (I'm not even THAT holy..) until I sent Cassie a message telling her I was OK & nowhere near a blade.
Today, due to some incidents that happened to the fish pond & on account that Cassie & Xinyu were at my place, she didn't say anything bad or scold me. & for that, I thank the Lord.

So the story goes
There's something you should know
Before I walk away
And I blow the ending
I never wanna be without you
Oh no
Here I go
Now you know
What I feel about you
There's no running
I must have been wrong without you
Oh no
There I go
No control
And I'm falling
So now you know
Hilary Duff
Now You Know

Wednesday, December 08, 2004 @ 10:51 am

AAARRRRGHHH!!! I can't believe it!!! Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events is gonna be in theatres. Soon! I dunno if it'll reach M'sian shores by X'mas. I hope so! The books are one of the darkest meant-for-children books I've ever read. I think I first stumbled upon them in Form 2.. They were fantastic!!! Lemony Snicket's writing is one of a kind, using a warped sort of dark humour to scare people into not reading his books, but it also has a hint of reverse psychology in his words as well. It's like he's DARING you to pick up the book, shut up & read. Seriously. They haunted me for awhile.
The movie site boasts witty yet alarming titles such as "A loading page disguised as a warning may be your last hope." I am still trying to recover from the tragic news of the demise of Mr Montgomery Montgomery (yes, that's his name) or better known as Uncle Monty. *sniffles* Great man, he was. Always gramamtically correct Aunt Josephine was just plain old annoying, with her whole I before E except after C rule. Good news is, Meryl Streep will be taking on that very irritating role. Very suitable. One can hardly tell that the bad villain & worse actor, Count Olaf, is being played by Jim Carrey.. That's a whole lot of ice-cream worth of prosthetics, man. But from his booming voice, yeah, you can tell it's the same green guy who stole X'mas. Did I mention he has his own website & blog? haha, hilarious. Check it out. At your own risk.

But in dreams
I can hear your name
And in dreams
We will meet again
When the seas and mountains fall
And we come to end of days
In the dark I hear a call
Calling me there
I will go there
And back again
In Dreams from LOTR: the Felloship of The Ring Soundtrack.
Beautiful song. Reminds me of Bilbo's book, 'There and Back Again'.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004 @ 3:01 pm
Today was quite a bad day. First thing was add maths tuition. It sucked like hell. She was so scary & fierce.. & knew exactly what was my problem.. therefore making me feel like an utter idiot. Just looking at her straight in the eye made me feel weak. No kidding!
Oh yes, was elated when I woke up in the morning though! I COULD SMELL WHAT MY MAID'S COOKING! & to me, this was a HUGE thing.. coz' it meant my nose wasn't blocked. Felt soooo light-headed. Was rejoicing like mad... Until my teacher came... & I started sniffling & coughing... Goodness. Maybe it's due to stress. Yeah, most probably. Oh well, one thing's for sure... I'm getting really good at swallowing pills! Bring it on, man! To think, I always puked when I tried swallowing them pills as a kid.. I can most definitely swallow a sword after finishing this antibiotic course. My 2nd course by the way. My dad told me there'll be side-effects, but nothing as serious as my hair dropping off...
Went to Parkson's just now.. my mother took me there so I could help her decide on what to buy for my cousins & her Godkiddies.. bought a lot of stuff, as usual.. 4 bags full. I carried 3, she carried 1. Not too bad, normally I'd carry all of 'em.. They were HEAVY! most of them made of glass & plastic.. Oh well, at least she rewarded me with McD's. The Jack Jack handphone thing was sold out. Never watched 'The Incredibles' anyway, but heard that he's this damn cute baby. Which was why I persuaded my mother to get this Incredibles stationary kit for one of her Goddaughters. She better thank me.
Ah yes, before I forget.. Mummy goose, Cassie, Xinyu & possibly Nick are coming to my place for a visit on Thurs!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! Finally get to see them after like, one month plus?? Happy Happy!!! hahahaa!
Oh yes, my bro said that Sly's mother's in jail.. For some bankrupcy thing. I'm sure a lot of ah lians (okay, & some girls) are weeping.. Poor dears. No sarcasm there, honest.
Today's lyrics are dedicated to my twin, Jillian.. Keep working at perfecting your blog.. Don't be afraid to mess around with it, ya?? That's how we learn.. ;)

Where once was light
Now darkness falls
Where once was love
Love is no more
Don't say goodbye
Don't say I didn't try
Emiliana Torrini
Gollum's Song
Gee, actually this reminds me that we'll all have to bid our goodbyes someday. There's just no avoiding it.

Monday, December 06, 2004 @ 5:52 pm
Now I know what a bird in a cage feels like.. *brushes hand on the golden cagebars* like a prisoner. I think that's why I'm still ill. Coming to 4 weeks now... Who knows? Maybe I'm stuck like this forever.. :|
Was talking to Cassie about our dreams & ambitions.. I've always read about people pursuing their dreams & finally, after much blood, sweat & tears... achieving those dreams. But, how often does this happen in real life?? My dad wanted to be a pilot. & look where he is now. Stuck looking at women's bellies. He didn't have the money. & he also told me that it was upon chance & serendipity that he actually got to be a doc. We live in a pathetic community which is driven by money & status. Is it worth sacrificing dreams? Probably. Who cares about your dreams when you don't have money to live, right? My parents want me to be a doc just like my sis & bro. my mother never stopped reminding me that. Sometimes I think my brain is such a rebel. Refusing to listen & to soak in knowledge. Just because my heart doesn't want to. Ok, if you still are reading this, whoever you are, don't read on. Coz' now you're probably thinking that I'm thinking too much into this. But, hello? It's like.. important to me! My parents have been running my life for me that I have NO LIFE! I don't want freedom anymore. I just want to sleep forever. And never wake up.

Well, it's a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
Beneath the cover of october skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And i'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low
And all the night's magic seems to whisper and hush
And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush
van morrison moon dance

Sunday, December 05, 2004 @ 8:08 am
unfair! suelynn met taufik!! what's more, they took a photo!!! from what she wrote in her blog, he was really friendly. =) aww. just showed my bro the photo in her blog, he was like,'people say I look like taufik also what...' & I said he was dreaming. well, it could be worse... at least he doesn't look like sly. lol.
played around with the blog template, had a really cool matrix text thingy, but it was a bit wonky, so I didn't put it up..
uhm. had 3 hours of sleep before leaving for church at 6 something am. the thing I hate most about the mornings now is that.. it irritates my throat & makes me cough. thanks to my sickening flu. 4 weeks already!
the weather today is nice & windy, thus the kitchen door keeps slamming shut, echoing the whole house with thunderous booms. think more than 30 times already... ish. can't they just close the door?
I dunno why.. recently, I've been daydreaming of swimming. okok, sounds weird but it's true. I really wanna go swimming & hopefully drown in the process. yay.

Translation from Sindarin:
From darkness I understand the night
Dreams flow, a star shines
Ah! I desire Evenstar
Look! A star rises out of the darkness
The song of the star enchants my heart
Ah! I desire...
Enya Aníron
From LOTR: the Fellowship of The Ring soundtrack

Saturday, December 04, 2004 @ 1:20 pm
it's been a while since my parents argued. it's been even longer since they shouted at each other. it's been longer still that they did all this in front of me. now, end up.. no dinner. lucky my mother bought some rolls... guess, that's my dinner for tonight.
Please don't ask if I wanna talk about this... I'm just not in the mood. Sorry folks.

I grabbed my jeans off the floor and I hit the door
Just the same old same
It goes to show
You never know
When everything's about to change
Jesse McCartney
Best Day Of My Life

Friday, December 03, 2004 @ 5:41 pm
oh no!! i'm 2 hours late!!! oh well..
my 5th uncle's family came in the evening, so my parents brought them to mei san to eat.. I don't really like to eat there coz' there's some crazy ingredient they add in that makes me sick.. my cheeks hurt so much & I'll lose my apetite completely after that... anyway, it was so funny... the last time we went there, we cheekily slipped out before anyone took our order.. wait, but it wasn't OUR fault... no one came to take our order, so we went downstairs to eat at Capri. At least the service there was better... after a while, he SAW us there!!!! we were like, trying to hide our faces, but my mother blew our cover by laughing hysterically... the tension was so weird!!! he didn't seem angry, he just seemed er, shocked. it's like one of those funny family events you tell your grandchildren.. oh yes, back to the story.. the manager recognised my mother's voice straight away when she called to book a table... first thing he did was apologise.. because of the poor service the last time we came... & I thought he'd hold a grudge against us. the whole time throughout our dinner, he treated us with such hospitality!!! it was HILARIOUS!!!!!! he kept feeling uneasy about our last trip & apologised several times to my dad. my dad was like, 'er, no la..' it was SO weird.. my cousins were all like,'what the heck is wrong with this dude???!'
my dad says not to stay up too late, coz' we're going out for breakfast tomorrow morn... but I can't sleep THIS early... I've been sleeping at 3 everynight already, I think I'm gonna die when school reopens.. Which reminds me... WHY THE HECK AM I JAGA-ING THE WORST CLASS IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL NEXT YEAR???! what the hell did I do wrong? are they demoting me?? this ISN'T funny laaa! Ever since form 2, I've been jaga-ing the worst classes!! ish. Very stressful le!! with PA & all.. wait, are they NOT letting me be in charge of PA next year? Oh no!!! my baby!!! no one knows how to take care of her the way I do!!!! Now, how am I going to sleep???!

Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from
the beatles eleanor rigby

Thursday, December 02, 2004 @ 9:16 am
I have decided. To study my butt off for SPM!!! okok, sorry I had to bring this up when everyone's still floating around, enjoying the holiday mood.. but I dunno, I sort of... *clicked*
On to other things, the street outside my house is squished with all modes of transport except a bus. My neighbour's daughter is getting married & he's like, one of the bigshots in JB so yeah, practically, all those who know them are invited to this joyous occasion... the wedding lunch is next week, but I think they're having a pre-nuptial Muslim thingy tonight. There's even a HUGE lorry parked right outside my gate. Taking a leaf of my ex-driver's dictionary... "Your grandfather's road arr??!!" plus a certain body language to go with the nice little speech there.
Oh yes, my dad's electrician brought some dude to check out the theartre equipment. He (the stranger, not the electrician) even brought with him 2 dvds.. which I suspect are real. But who can tell?? The S.W.A.T gun sequence was very cool, amplified by the surround sound system, I must admit. So, they probably took 45 minutes or so, watching & 'testing' the system. Sometimes I wonder why my dad just can't say no... He's just toooo nice.

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
And I wished for things that I don't need
And what I chased won't set me free
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees
goo goo dolls sympathy

Wednesday, December 01, 2004 @ 1:43 pm
I hope TaUfIk wins S'pore Idol. He's the soul master, the prince of slick moves!! Was surprised to see our very own Jac walking down the red carpet... She should've performed for the S'porean crowd.. then they'll throw down all their little banners & glowsticks & just stare in utmost amazement. Seriously, Jac's a fantastic singer & performer..
hehe. just voted for taufik courtesy of kor-kor's m1 line.

I still feel the sting of my tears
Someone wake me
I can't seem to break free
Go on
Get out of my head
I'm on the wrong side of a parallel universe
Hilary Duff
Crash World