flawed work of art.
Thursday, May 26, 2005 @ 10:26 am
actually was about to publish my post the first time around, but the electricity kinda tripped on me. Waaa! it's ok.. I'll try & recall what I was talking about..
today was another paper-free day for me. =) we spent the morning very well though. managed to really get started on the decos. so, the bunch of us 5th formers were just busy cutting cloth, folding said cloth and burning the fraying edges. we were sortta tempering with fate as we lit the candles on the age old stage.. kysh, being the tae kwan do pro, performed this really neat trick with the candle. she punched the flame out. no, not literally. it just sortta poofed off as she punched. super cool! we were all prancing around the stage like crazy maniacs. after that, we didn't stop urging her to 'punch' the flame out. reluctantly, she punched and the flame flickered violently and the next consecutive punches also failed to blow out the light, but it was awesome to see the flame dancing as she punched. after being chased down the stage to make way for the choir, we continued with our preparations for the 80th anniversary concert this saturday. in came my class teacher carrying what looked like a clothes bag. little did I know it was jamie a.k.a yvonne's costume as christine from the phantom of the opera! yes, the school choir will be performing a series of musicals on that day. how very exciting!! cass & I went to check on yvonne putting on teacher's 15-year-old gown. the teacher's name is censored. just in case. =) she was 45 kilos 15 years ago, but the dress was still pretty intact. can't believe she kept her wedding gown! yvonne was having a little trouble fitting into the dress, even with her kid sis, sarah helping her. yvonne's face couldn't be redder. can you imagine having two teachers watching you change into another teacher's wedding gown? I can't. anyway, I zipped the gown up as sarah told her sis to breathe in and tada! it worked! the gown looked stunning on her. she looked like a pretty princess, what with the puffed sleeves and the little train following behind. it looked like something out of a fairytale. if only yvonne would stop waddling so uncomfortably like that.. sheesh. then, it was wei yi's costume cass & I tackled next. thanks to us, a desperate looking housewife with a grey apron turned into marie from the sound of music! even teacher was impressed! guess cass & I really have a knack for these kinda things. we should take up fashion!!! lol. wei yi's dress oozed with much gothism, (is that even a word?) both cass & I fell head over heels in love with it. *drool* all in all, no one described the school at that present moment better than yiswaree. it looked like a celebratory fair. (scarborough fair, perhaps? heehee) who would imagine that this school was actually in the midst of exams?
oh my gosh. add maths!! 'don't panic, stay calm.. I can do this..' were the only words buzzing around my head the whole morning. actually, paper one wasn't too bad. I could've done better. sigh. paper 2 killed me. the 2 & a half hours felt like uhm.. 2 & a half minutes? what was worse was that in between thinking of solving the !@^%$%!@ problems, I had fits of coughs! that really broke my train of thought a couple of times. during paper one, we were all very much irritated by the dikir barat people. oh, just in case you didn't know, dikir barat's a malay traditional performance. think group rap. only with a traditional gong as a beat. lol. it was fannoying. yes, I did put the f there on purpose. during paper 2, it was the choir's turn... only my twin was very much affected by this. when the choir was singing the phantom of the opera, she burst out laughing like a can of beans! we were all kinda amused although the paper was NOT AT ALL amusing. I could cry!! I hate add maths. meh!
the rest of the day was spent settling the accounts for the 80th anniversary tees.. was either too drained out or too sick to actually walk straight or do anything else, for that matter. the bed looks extra comfortable right now.... hmm...
oh wait, before I forget...
IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehe. no more late-night mugging! at least for now..

You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile shine on
Don't be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm
Cos' all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Oasis > Stop Crying Your Heart Out
p/s: sorry for the lousy entry today. I'm just too *yawn* sleepy....

Tuesday, May 24, 2005 @ 8:30 am
happy belated vesak day! being in m'sia sure has its perks. get to enjoy all the different holidays. hehe.
after a midnight shower early today, caught some shut eye only to be awoken at 6. sigh. school. I didn't have any papers but went to school anyway. I'd rather do some add maths at school then spend half my day snoozing. surprisingly, didn't feel the least bit sleepy at all.
we dominated the bilik wawasan! hahaa. talked at the top of our voices while the other students were enjoying their accounts paper. hurhur. I'm so mean. while going through a couple of add maths questions, I found myself stuck in SO many places! many thanks to cass & sarah for their help. they're both experts, man. as yiswaree said, john nash's daughters. lol. refer to the movie 'A Beautiful Mind' if you still don't get it. sarah, whom I so affectionately call woman tried on her clown suit lent to her from eng leng. hahaa. very very cute indeed.. wei yi's uber nice, she gave me 1 star wars season pass, as requested. I thought she took it as a joke. cos' I sure wasn't y'know, taking it for real.. who knew? while waiting for my transport home, it started pouring! read that? pouring! not just drizzling. the droplets were huge!! and it felt kinda painful when it pittered pattered onto my head. maybe I'm just soft-headed.. lol. thanks to mother nature, I was caught in the rain. really like the rain though, even though it was the cause of my being ill over the weekend. throat still feels like there's a frog in it or something. *cough*cough*

The sun was just yellow energy
There is a living promised land
Even over fields of sand
Seasons fill my mind and cover me
Bring it back, more than a memory
Oh chariot, your golden waves
Are walking down upon this face
Oh chariot, I'm singing out loud
To guide me, give me your strength
You'll be my vacation away from this place
gavin degraw ^ chariot

Sunday, May 22, 2005 @ 3:56 am
it was bound to happen. you knew I was gonna fall ill, didn't you? huh? huh? yes, I'm that psychotic. it all started when I was talking to shawn on friday night, kept telling him that I was not feeling so good and stuff, but he totally passed it off as nothing. ish. I hate getting a flu. it's very.. uhm. messy. plus, it makes one feel rather drowsy. *yawn*
took 2 panadols at church yesterday cos' I had a very bad fever, till I started spouting gibberish. seriously. that's what stef said anyway. was rather 'high' actually. felt even worse during mass, felt like lying down & never getting up. wasn't even strong enough to tell michelle kim to stop calling me chuchu. I've now evolved into grandma chuchu. dunno why. do I look that old??
daniel recommended me to read this blog. I read it with my dad cos' dan asked him to read it as well. the language used was so ruddy flowery. I admire her. the writer, I mean. not the way she writes though, cos' half the time was spent looking up the meanings of certain words she used. but, her drawings were rather nice. plus, she also had some good photographs as well. one of them in kl. I think she's from England. dad thinks so too. dan always likes reading those kinda books that have weird words that no one understands. he probably enjoys not knowing half of what he reads. :P
oh yes. watched the FA cup final with dadda. was rooting all the way for arsenal. no, not a huge arsenal fan. I just don't like man u. ok, don't start sending me hate mail. honestly speaking, man u deserved to win. arsenal were totally lost during the game. oh well, lady luck favoured arsenal. mother kept saying that man u played so well & deserved to win. then, when arsenal won, she said that the ref was bias. I just turned and looked at her and went,'that's football. get over it.' she didn't stop complaining though. ergh. for your information, arsenal won on penalty shoot out. scholes should be feeling utterly depressed right about now. though I did see ferdinand crying instead.
add math tuition today. sigh. how am I to go through gruelling add maths with my nose becoming a flowing tap? ok, that was gross.

I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong but I was wrong
If you could get by trying not to lie
Things wouldn't be so confused
And I wouldn't feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you
Cranberries :: Linger
short one today. if you never read the lyrics I post, do read this one. makes a lot of sense. especially to those who've fallen in/out of love before. worse of all, I've not only fallen ill, but I've also fallen in love. I must be all blue-black now.

Friday, May 20, 2005 @ 8:51 am
I can't continue any longer! I need a break!! Nothing's going into my head anymore. My memory was failing me and weirdly enough, I could remember all the useless history facts instead of understanding my chem. 4 weeks of non-stop exams can really drive one up the roof. Especially since I was up till early in the morn, chanting facts aloud so that 3/4 of it would actually seep into my skull. Heaven knows if it worked. *crosses fingers* hope I don't fail anything.
Because of the stupidly long exams, my body's immunity has given up on me & probably fled to Timbuktu. Am now nursing an itchy throat while have been trying to keep my fever and sniffles under wraps. Should I fall sick after the last paper -- add maths, I shall murder. which reminds me.. gave myself a little treat today... went out with cass for lunch (oreo cheesecake.. yum!) & a little bit of shopping before her bm lesson. =) mostly, it was errands I had to run.. like fixing my watch & specs. finally got those out of the way. =) oh & also got to play in the rain a little while making our way across to the tuition centre. I won't deny that it was fun. especially when all 5 convent girls went 'arrghh!!!' when the inhuman drivers splashed us with their Toyotas and Protons. Curses! *waves a fist* nevertheless, I never enjoyed a friday this much in weeks. stupid exams. oh & chem. ergh. I hope I don't fail it for the first time in my entire life. my only hope for a passing science sub! don't fail me now! literally.

How long do I have to climb up
On the side of this mountain of mine
Look up, I look up at night
Planets are moving at the speed of light
Climb up, up in the trees
Every chance that you get
Is a chance you seize
How long am I gonna stand
With my head stuck under the sand
I'll start before I can stop,
Before I see things the right way up
Coldplay - Speed of Sound
pity chris martin's (lead singer of coldplay) kid. she's gonna be mocked for life because her parents named her Apple. sigh.

Thursday, May 19, 2005 @ 6:45 am
gonna flunk bio! lalalala.. the last paper sucked bad. very bad.
2 more subs to go!!! hang in there...
by the way, detest those of my peers who stalk people for tips. especially those I barely even know, but start calling me up umpteen times a day to badger me for tips. just don't give it to them, you say? well, kinda feel bad, cos' heck, I wouldn't have 'em if people didn't give it to me in the first place. friends are so very important. :D
and to whoever it is that's been giving me prank calls, may you burn in hell. don't just call people up to tell them that you love them then hang up. what kinda sicko pervert does that?! apparently, some dude who has my house number. this quote is especially for you, 'annoying':
'your village called, they want their idiot back.'
special thanks to cass for her contribution. :)
the last installation of star wars premieres worldwide today! (finally) don't tell me the story, I wanna watch with dadda!

Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms, open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive
maroon 5 : sweetest goodbye

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 @ 6:51 am
happy belated teachers' day!! here's a little more about what happened at school yesterday..
after a whole bunch of boring speeches, the fun began when kareema, convent's in-house mariah, belted out 'hero'. lovely voice she has. the teachers then took to the stage, entertaining us with a couple of songs. we, being the cheeky little devils, rooted for a couple of our favourite teachers, shouting out their names when they paused to take breaths. we, seniors, didn't have a party this year cos' well, we still have exams the next day. grr. the same can't be said for the juniors, who had fun ploughing each other with unfinished cake from their little parties. I got some from esther too.. anyway, half of them kiddies were either covered in cake or some unidentified pink substance that I'm sure weiyi would be proud of. *shudders* the teachers & students who took part in the telematch were having a ball of a time getting each other wet. it was fun to see a different side of teachers. this is practically the only time they can openly cheat. we, being the good students that we are, of course, let them. it is their day. jialeng, who was in charge, was rather stressed out seeing the telematch go out of hand. I don't doubt that it was rather amusing to see that she was actually shouting at the teachers to be in order. hahaa. hmm. talk about turning the tables.. hema & I were the judges for the teachers' drawing competition. pn geetha's was uh, too artistic for the rest to appreciate, so in the end, we chose the picture that we could actually see what's in it. oh yes, before I forget, regarding what baka is saying on my tag.. haha. I put an indian bindi on my head, we got it from the teachers who were all decked out in sexy sarees. anyway, hema said I looked very 'indian', jbq didn't quite like that comment. hahaa. I was happy though. being indian's cool too.
today's paper was very good. seeing how we already knew all the questions the day before. keeping the paper under wraps? very funny. there may be hope to improve my history marks after all. :)

When the day is dawning
On a Texas Sunday morning
How I long to be there with Marie
Who's waiting for me there
Every lonely city where I hang my hat
Ain't as half as pretty as where my baby's at
Is this the way to Amarillo
Every night I've been hugging my pillow
Dreaming dreams of Amarillo where
Sweet Marie who waits for me
Tony Christie ` Amarillo
I have no idea how this song made a comeback to numero uno on the brit charts after 30 years. I must be in Wonderland. On 2nd thought, I think it's just the british.

Friday, May 13, 2005 @ 7:51 am
about 2 hours ago, I was almost run over by a car. I missed it by a few inches. Friday the 13th almost came true for me. dang! missed the chance. there's still less than 10 hours though, I'll keep my hopes up. oh yes, about the car, actually, I didn't see it coming, but if I had taken one small baby step, that's it, there goes my right foot. being a few inches away from death has helped me realise how precious life is how lovely it would be to be way up there, instead of suffering down here. plus, no more exams for me! oh yeah, and on my way back home, there was an accident a stone's throw away from my near fatal accident site. poor taxi was squished in between two cars. ok, not squish la, just uhm.. sandwiched.
speaking about death, stef & I made a pact. if one of us were to go up earlier than the other, we'd place a meg cabot book on each other's beds, signifying that the deceased, be it me or her, am doing fine up there & am constantly watching over the one still suffering on earth.
another deathly topic... LOOK HERE, ALV! watched a music video with a goth funeral theme. the band looked goth but heck, they sounded no better than Yellowcard doing Ocean's Avenue. Seriously. What an insult to all goth folks out there. The vid was kewl though. Everyone was decked out in black, goth style, even the deceased, who was a girl. super cool. can't remember what's the band's name nor the song title but I remember that it's mtv's buzz worthy this month. catch it for it's video, not for the song, it sucks bad. unless you're into the whole pop band trying to be punk thing. like simple plan. only that simple plan is miles better at doing their thang.
right. bio was baaad. paper one's questions were straightforward, but I couldn't recall studying them. die. 10 out of 50 for me.

Wicked with your charm
I'm circled like prey
Back in the forest
Were whispers persuade
More sugar trails
More white lady laid
Than pillars of salt
Cradle of Filth _ Nymphetamine (or in Malay, nimfatamina!)

Thursday, May 12, 2005 @ 7:53 am
I lashed out at jie shi today. HAHA. I know I'm mean. She was practically gonna cry. When I told Cass about it, she being the pai kia that she is, didn't really pay much attention to it, instead said that everyone's been doing the same. haha. oh well, screw her for not spelling stuff as important as that correctly.
spent the time after recess handling tees & badges. the juniors were terrified to enter the wawasan room because suqin was there. sigh. till we sorta made mel go stand there so that all the juniors would then swarm around her, which equates to the rise of t-shirt & button badge sales! ok, too much of hipothesis... ah yes, I didn't have a paper after recess, that's why I was so free. I didn't abscond from the exam hall or something. maybe for tomorrow's bio. *gleeful smile*

Save some face, you know you've only got one
Change your ways while you're young
Boy, one day you'll be a man
Oh girl, he'll help you understand
Smile like you mean it
Looking back at sunsets on the Eastside
We lost track of the time
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things sat by so carelessly
And someone is calling my name
From the back of the restaurant
The Killers + Smile Like You Mean It

Wednesday, May 11, 2005 @ 7:49 am
Hema got new specs! FINALLY!! ever since form 2, she's been saying that she's gonna get specs. yeah. form 2. so you do the math. I think we can set up a frameless specs club. jbq, hema, cass, mommee goose & me. oh yeah, and kor and my rents. the list goes on & on..
well, it's a wed and yes, I'm still in the midst of my mid-term. had a bad wave of depression 2 days back. t'was terrible. Received some cheering up from brad, who's thousands of miles away, but his cheerfulness felt very close by. I could hug him. if he had anything to hug onto, that is. he's thinner than xin! honestly! anyway, my miracle cure came unexpectedly. thanks to my dream car, bmw. hmm. finally got some things sorted out. and for that, I'm glad.
fell asleep after moral paper. haha. my brain was dead due to my over-working it the night before & more torture this morning. thanks to physics 3. finally got physics outta the way. phew. during yesterday's maths 1 paper, it started pouring torrents! even the skies were mourning for us!! anyhoo, it never stopped. the rain, I mean. even as some of us were getting a bite while stuffing maths into our heads during recess, the rain just kept pouring, I think it got worse. jbq & charissa were happily playing, or should I say, acting out how they would fly backwards because of the strong gusts of winds that were blowing in our direction. ok, it sounds weird, but that's what they did. bumping into the ones (me included) who were getting a mini crash course on maths from hema, sending us bowling, yes bowling, with laughter, that is. :D
no idea why but the song 'nymphetamine' comes into my mind everytime I'm squeezing my brain juice for some gruelling paper. before I knew it, I was actually humming the tune during the paper, which attracted some dagger stares. sorry! can't help it!!
ah yes, before I forget. 80th Anniversary tees and button badges for sale!! hyuk. oh & I wanna kill jie shi for spelling anniversary wrong. must go tell my dad, who praised her & told me to tell her to enrol in La Salle. HAH! I don't think La Salle will accept an illiterate braggart now, will they?!

Laid to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A 'V' of black swans on
With hope to the grave
And through Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear like
A thorn for the holy ones
Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain
Cradle of Filth Nymphetamine

Sunday, May 08, 2005 @ 6:37 am
why do people have to lie? some say it's because they don't wanna hurt anyone. however, doesn't everyone deserve to hear the truth? don't go all 'you can't handle the truth!' on me just as yet. cos'
1) it's raining & I'm feeling melancholic
2) I'm depressed because someone lied to me & I don't think I can trust said person again
am now awaiting the arrival of my scary add maths teacher. I don't think I'll ever get add maths. sometimes when I do, I just forget all about it in a fraction of a second. then I'll end up looking like a slobbering idiot in front of said teacher. note to all trying to weigh out their options of science and arts stream: if you're like me, inclined towards art with zilch interest in science & math or like me, you can barely get through maths & science without you going bald due to the extreme hair pulling, then please, forgo science. I beg of you. Don't end up like the regretful me.
I hope the rain never stops. I'm enjoying the humidity of the atmosphere. I feel particularly melancholic when it rains. Don't ask why. Ask God, He created me. He'll know. If I get a chance to meet Him, I don't think I'll ever stop asking Him questions. Why are we all not born equal when we're all striving for equality? We can never be the same. Some will always be richer, smarter, better looking than another. then, you get those who ARE richer, smarter & better looking than yourself & life makes complete 'sense' once again.
on a lighter note, I've started to dream once again. I mean, the ones when we're not in Rapid Eye Movement mode. Had an interesting nightmare this morning about a robotic vampire which went insane & enjoyed nothing more than to see human blood and flesh splattered everywhere. seriously, I have THAT kinda dreams & people wonder why I'm such a coward. In the end, the vampy sortta started mating with humans. I think it got it's inspiration from that trilogy about some alien creature mating with every Tom, Dick & Harry. [shut up, cass!]

I looked away, then I looked back at you
You tried to say things that you can't undo
If I had my way, I'd never get over you
Today's the day I pray that we make it through
Make it through the fall
Make it through it all and
I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you
avril fall to pieces

Saturday, May 07, 2005 @ 5:11 am
whoever scheduled the exam time-table ought to sit for all of them tests for him/herself. that person obviously doesn't know what it's like to mug like mad! 4 days of break before the last paper. can't he/she at least let us get it over & done with as soon as possible? and the last paper. ergh. add maths. my 'best' subject. malay & physics were bad. really bad. even with tips. sigh.
had a really bad meltdown a day before the exams while talking to Godma. I think out of all my stress outbursts, this was the worst, cos' I never felt so helpless. at least I kinda understood what I was studying before form 4. during physics exam, I paused while pondering on a very difficult question & suddenly wished I wasn't in Science stream. I was on the borderline of taking the pencil in my hand & stabbing it into my heart. I felt so so helpless. and to make matters worse, barbie was there, being perky & after the excruciatingly hard paper, she went, perkily of course,'How was the paper?' I could've stabbed her instead. like what mommee goose said, she came to school just to SPITE us. damn her with the 8 subs.
I've never actually looked forward to the weekend so much. no more mugging till 1 in the morning! well, at least for friday. Had my very very much needed rest last night. but it's back to the books today. whoever invented the phrase 'no pain, no gain' obviously never had the 'opportunity' to sit through 4 weeks of exam.
by the way, can't wait to get my license. feel like a kid when I need someone to chauffeur me around the place. which brings me to my next topic, INITIAL D! super cool movie. found out about it through kev, my bro's friend with the 2fast2furious car. seriously, it looks like one of those speed demon cars, doesn't look beng though. more of well, 2fast2furious. it's bright japan red & makes that whirring sound, different from the annoying beng types. anyway, it's very interesting, the movie, I mean. it's damn cool. with jay chou playing the protagonist in his debut movie. it's based on a japan manga comic about this dude, (jay's character) who is very good at 'drifting' hence the 'D' in Initial D. After finding out that Jay, alongside with another dashing actor, Edison Chen, is in the movie, I was already eager to go watch the movie!! which opens next month. all those who have that burning desire to burn rubber should go watch it. at least watch others do it while you're munching on popcorn. :D

Shakedown 1979
Cool kids never have the time on a
Live wire right up off the street
You and I should meet
Junebug skipping like a stone with the
Headlights pointed at the dawn
We were sure we'd never see an end to it all
And I don't even care to
Shake these zipper blues and
We don't know just where
Our bones will rest
To dust I guess
Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below
Smashing Pumpkins [eldest bro's fave band]

Sunday, May 01, 2005 @ 3:59 am
haven't blogged in a while, been kinda busy.. so here goes..
for p.e lesson on friday, miss tarveen, the very cool & hip trainee teacher that reminds us oh-so-much of jasveen, taught us about sex. now, don't get me wrong... it's in the syllabus. she was really serious about it & we asked her various questions no one dared to ask any other teacher. it was cool cos' she answered them the best way she could. it was also very informative. many of the things we only hear about and are blur about were answered. it was like, 'I've seen the light!' kinda thing. hahahaa. ok, maybe not. overall, I think they should've taught us this way earlier like 2 years ago, cos' we all know that in form 5, many girls already are going through that stage in life where they dunno which stage in a relationship is safe. you can see the ones with significant other halves keeping quiet throughout the whole lesson. hurm. oh yeah and I knew I was right to be anti-male. when teacher was telling us about their behaviour towards a girl and stuff like that, it sprouted a lot of eews in the class.. guess I can recruit more members to join the 'boys suck' club. viva la resistance!
I'll admit it, I'm feeling really lonely at home nowadays. I mean, I know I'm supposed to be studying & all but.. sometimes when you have nothing but useless information about what happened in a certain era (ergh, history) & windless formulas, (maths, add maths, physics etc etc) your mind tends to go a little wild. there's no one at home I can actually really relate to. not even my dad, cos' he never shows any interest in what I do anymore. being at home is so stuffy. but I like it cos' it allows me to cherish things & people more cos' of the rare occasions I get to see them.
exams commence this thursday!!!!! shoot me!!!!! that was me on saturday. till during mass, I decided to take a step back & look at the big picture. (partly due to the fact that stef was having a melt-down) academic excellence is good and all, but freaking out about it is useless right? I think it was kinda like a sign.. I know this sounds weird but stuff always happens after church. my parents & I were being served by this very enthusiastic waitress at a restaurant. she was really nice.. & you can tell she takes pride in her job. it was really enlightening cos' even if you're not a big doctor or lawyer, but you do your job well, no one is gonna look down on you. that's what I told my dad, who as usual, didn't say anything about it. I feel like I shouldn't even open my mouth, it's as if I'm talking to the air.

I've been the needle and the thread
Weaving figure eights and circles round your head
I try to laugh but cry instead
Patiently wait to hear the words you've never said
Fumbling through your dresser door
Forgot what I was looking for
Try to guide me in the right direction
Maroon5 Must Get Out