flawed work of art.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005 @ 9:53 am
I've already created a rather long and interesting post all about my very very eventful period away from my blog, which includes stressful trial exams that reached it's goal in tiring me out and also infecting me with very high fever that was hovering around 38.1 for a while. no joke. I was that bad. wonder why I'm still alive & typing. oh well. guess I'm not good enough to reach the pearly gates yet. ho hum. on a more serious note though, I created quite a wave of fear amongst my loved ones, as I was a suspected dengue case. however, the blood tests erased all that fear immediately. phew! after all that puking, syringing, diarrhoea-ing & sponging, I'm finally in the pink of health. one thing I'm peeved about is that I had to fall ill in the midst of my oh-so-important trials. *bangs head on table* I'll never forgive myself.

a picture of a big old bruise on my arm. I was cornered & attacked by men with sticks!! ahahahaha! kidding. it's actually the result of too much blood being sucked out of my body by dad's syringe. it's been there since friday. I think it's getting better. it used to be larger and greener. damn. I was hoping it'd stay. it makes such a great conversation starter. and apu, if you're reading this, I did NOT inject myself with goodness knows what, ok? I'm not as twisted as you. lol.

anyway, school was a waste of my effort today. one fellow teacher who reminds me a lot of my mom told us we were stupid. in our faces!
'So stupid-ar! those who don't have papers shouldn't even come to school!'
she said that while we were right in front of her faces. I suddenly had a flashback of her saying not too long ago of her screaming her bloody head off over students applying for their own study leave. what exactly does that fat lump of fat want?! that's what we call her by the way.. flof.
I have a greater appreciation for teachers, folks. especially those that really mark our papers, not like some tyrannical teacher which is half the time away from school. hema, kysh, cass, xin & I were marking the form 4 english papers. not easy. especially the information transfer part. what's marked wrong, what's not. no wonder teachers have high blood pressure.

I've been thinking maybe
I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
And maybe I'm overcast
And maybe all my luck's
Washed down the drain
I've been thinking about everyone
You look so lonely
But when I look at the stars
I see someone else
switchfoot * stars

Monday, September 26, 2005 @ 8:13 am
It's over and done but the
Heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight
And where are you now
Now that I need you
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river
That leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
I'm there at your side,
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to find your shining star
emotions cover by destiny's child

at least he's in a better place, right, lyn? we're here for you, girl. always.

Saturday, September 03, 2005 @ 5:05 am
[wed] merdeka!!
went for lunch with my 'rents & daniel at aunty nora's. for the first time in Chu history, we were early! no kidding! the kids were just finishing their science tuition lesson when we arrived.. it was pot luck style, so in I went holding a plate of chicken with garnish all around. my mom likes that kinda thing. to our surprise, aunty nora wasn't home yet, she was due home from kota kinabalu that morning. so, her boyishly cute son played host to us for a while. I agreed with dad that he was very bubbly and nice for a standard sixer in st joseph. as dad, dan & I were looking around the place, we found out that aunty nora sure does travel quite a bit. she had a lot of souvenirs from around the globe like the famous russian dolls, you know those that have a doll inside a doll inside a doll... yeah, those kind. she's also quite an art enthusiast. a replica of van gogh's sunflower painting was hanging by the stairs, which I immediately recognised. beside it was one of claude monet's lesser known works. his most famous louvre painting was hanging just above the piano. by the way, monet paints by dabbing his brush dot by dot, which I find intriguing cos' in the end, it'll look like a picture perfect painting. oh yeah, we saw one of auntie nora's own works. gosh! very nice!! wish I could paint like her... dan & I also played the piano a bit, with the host's permission of course. ahh, nostalgia... my hands were a little stiffer but it felt good to be banging on the piano again. anyhoo, bec members began pouring in and soon auntie nora's was bubbling with activity. the star attraction was this cute ang moh baby. anyhoo, william (the baby) had an inquisitive look on his face, staring at us with his big grey eyes. they're really gorgeous.. the eyes, I mean. I took a few snapshots of him.. shall post some when daniel comes back from kl with the phone. dreaded guy absconded with my simcard so I had to go buy a prepaid sim in the meantime. okok, continuing with yesterday's makan. uncle solomon whose humble abode we visit every christmas day was present too. he gave me a little talk when my dad & bro left. I was about to follow when he suddenly reached out, grabbed my hand, made me sit next to him and asked me about my future. I tried to pay attention with all my might but somehow my ears just blocked out his voice droning on about why I should do medicine. I'm trying not to think of this as a vocation to be a doctor, even though all I hear from people these days is advice to do medic. plus, my dreams of writing is also pretty much scrapped after talking to this s'porean dude who's arranging for me to do my As next year. I was kinda offended when he said that mass comm was not very highly regarded in society and advised me to forget about the idea. those words just kept replaying in my head. since he's experienced in this kinda field, I should listen to him, but that means I have no plans, nothing at all in the future to look forward to. sigh.
later in the evening, my mom took my bro & I out to pp to shop for clothes for dan. in the end, my mom bought a bagful of cosmetics and a bottle of ralph lauren perfume for dan from a departmental store whose name I will not disclose cos' of what I'm about to say about it. there was only one frigging cashier open! the queue was so 'beladee' long & we had to wait in line for like, eternity before we found out both mommy and daniel's cards couldn't be used, so we had to go one floor up to do it and.. and.. *almost tearing now* my mom decides to buy some china plates and we had to line up again. as you can tell, I'm not a patient person, which is why I was rather huffy about queuing so long. dan was pretty freaked out when we saw 2 cross-dressers behind us, who burst out laughing so loud that everyone turned. the cross-dressers, I mean, not daniel. they dressed very erm, femininely complete with heels and whatnot and also straight, rebonded hair. if only dadda was there, I bet he would've gone 'faggot! faggot!' with a weird smile on his face. I think there's something about gays & fags & medicine. yonks ago when my dad was in med school, the guy next to his room *eek* was gay, and so was another guy from his batch. they died of aids after a few years. yikes. dan said there's a gay in his batch as well, who only has progesterone-producing friends. which I think is pretty mean, I mean, why should they receive 'special' treatment because of their being gay? I, for one, wouldn't mind one. gay friends are good girl friends. =)
after a short detour to macker's, mom dropped me at Godma's for tuition. dan also went in for a little chat. when dan came to pick me up, he left the phone in the car, not knowing he was gonna have a rather long chat... so much so that dad was all grr-ish about dan not taking the phone with him wherever he goes. they were all talking in raised voices, trying to prove their points over dinner till I went,'ok-lah, it's my fault.' then, the rest of dinner time fell silent.

[fri] terrible day of classes. a lot of misunderstanding and crapping behind people's backs. although archie has said many times that I shouldn't bother cos' I didn't do anything wrong, but the awkwardness was so stiff, you could slice it in half with a knife. if you're reading this, I dunno what to say or should I apologise, but what I did, was just what you did. just that you did it too many times and finally got found out this time. no wonder you're pissed.
this matter really affected me emotionally. I was so unstable that I was not very polite towards Godma who almost wanted to come over and strangle me. sorry Godmama!
anyway, after school, all was better, I knew that when I stepped into the chapel and went up to greet Godgrandma who always gives the tightest bear hugs ever. she's real nice. fat law came to conduct mass in the chapel and the place was really packed. maybe it was because I had to endure a lot of emotional turmoil during classes earlier or because of the packed chapel for once or even because we knelt on the dusty floor, but I got a bit teary as I looked round the place. everything that was bothering me flashed in my mind and I just felt like letting go. haven't had that feeling since rally. after mass, I felt relieved with not a worry on my mind. woman & I made our way down to the hall where we ate the food that our fellow prefect friends kept for us. eli didn't bring her personal prezzie for me! *sniff* haha. but am gonna claim it today at church. the CIC gang will be there for confirmation camp, including woman. whee. I remember the ypm camp when hema stayed over. it was so emotionally, spiritually & physically exhausting. fooh.
was looking forward for this the whole day.. the m'sian philaharmonic orchestra performance in conjunction with the johor arts fest. we got first class seats, given by a bank. my dad made me change before going cos' he said I looked like I was going to some rock concert. haha. due to our seating, we sat amongst the YBs and the Dato's and Datins and other upper class sororities. felt so diminishingly tiny when a YB sat in front of me and a very popular Dato' 2 seats in front. the performance was nice! even though I was shivering in an igloo of an auditorium. ish. the conductor actually dropped his little baton 5 minutes into the performance! lol. I think dad thinks too much. he actually whispered,'hey. do you think it's possible to have a left-handed violinist?' I said no, cos' well, he would poke the eye of the person next to him. and it wouldn't look synchronised when they raised their bows and all. poor lefties. I'm sure there's a left-handers orchestra somewhere out there. the orchestra looked so nice dressed in black coat-tails, playing on their instruments with so much expression. one thing I don't get is the encore thing. why on earth does the conductor go out just to come back in? it's such a waste of time and energy on both sides. he has to walk in and out while we have to clap for so long... even dad said it ws hypocritical. this performance has spurred me further to pick up the violin once more. don't think dad's too keen about it though. meh.

Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
That I ought just stick to another man
A man that surely deserves me
But I think you do
So I cry, I pray, and I beg
Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Fool me, fool me
Go on and fool me
the cardigans : lovefool